4 branches of emotional intelligence that are important to young adults in the job search

May 22, 2013 Leave a comment

emotionalLast night I demonstrated a lack of emotional intelligence. What was the circumstance, you may wonder? I read a blog post by someone which was well thought out and nicely written. (I literally mean “someone” because the author hid her identity.)

Instead of focusing on the content of her post in my comment, I berated her for using a pseudonym and displaying a bio that is self-degrading. I accused her of not taking ownership of her excellent thoughts on the struggles of the job search. I called her immature.

According to About.com Psychology, emotional intelligence (IE) comprises of four factors: perceiving emotions, reasoning with emotions, understanding emotions, and managing emotions (Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer). It is safe to assume I fell flat on at least one of the four factors of IE.

Afterwards I tried to reason with myself for writing the scathing comment to this promising writer. I went back and forth between feeling justified and regretting my words. While I feel like a heal for being so harsh, I hope she gets my message that EI plays a critical role in the workplace, especially for young adults.

This is not to say older workers need to demonstrate EI in the job search and at work–ergo my outburst–but young adults lack the extensive job-related experience (IQ) that older workers possess. So to say employers look more heavily into this when evaluating young adults is accurate.

This is why every aspect of young workers’ branding matters as they put themselves out there, including taking ownership of what they post on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and their blog. And if they disclose their identity, everything they print will be scrutinized by potential employers.

A perfect example of being scrutinized is when I read a LinkedIn profile of a young worker which included a link to her blog. She was employed at a company and was the face of the social media effort of the company, so I was a bit surprised to see that the content of her blog was stereotypical of that of a college student. In a roundabout way I suggested she remove the link from her profile, which she did reluctantly.

Young adults need to make a decision before posting content for the world to see. Do they want to demonstrate EI that employers need to see, for lack of job-related experience? Below is what the four factors of EI mean.

  1. Perceiving emotions means they can understand the difference between their colleagues’ emotions like anger, sarcasm, humor, seriousness, etc. They can read verbal and nonverbal language or communication. Mastering this factor makes it possible to accomplish the remaining three.
  2. Reasoning with emotions means being able to understand important skills like problem solving, creativity and analytical thinking. The person can adapt to situations that require said skills. For lack of job-related skills, it’s important they demonstrate these abilities.
  3. Understanding emotions means deciphering between what’s in your control and what’s out of your control. Having the ability to realize that people display a variety of emotions and for a variety of reasons. Your colleague could be mad at you or simply having a bad day.
  4. Managing emotions properly requires self-control and controlling the emotions of others. An example would be not reacting to a colleague or customers who outwardly contemptuous; rather properly dealing with conflicts. A young worker who can do this is a valuable member of the workplace.

I reacted poorly when I finished reading an excellent post on career-searching personalities because I felt the author demonstrated a lack of EI, when in fact I also demonstrated a lack of EI. My point is that young adults–as well as mature workers–must keep this important skill in mind when presenting themselves online, in the job search, and at work. But for young adults EI might be their strongest suit.

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What you know about your introversion may limit you

May 19, 2013 4 Comments

IntrovertToday I think about how being mindful of  my preference for introversion may affect my actions. Like a self-fulfilling prophesy, this knowledge occupies my thoughts and sometimes prevents me from doing what I’d like to, what I should do. So the question is would it be better to be ignorant of who I am?

How I direct my energy. Because I’m an introvert, I know I’d prefer not going to an evening business networking event after a hard day at work. Introverts should take time to recharge their battery, not exert themselves by socializing after a day of being around people.

Instead: I have the energy to attend social or networking events despite knowing that my energy should be saved for reading a good book on my Kindle, while munching on Gummy Bears. I must fight the generalization.

How I communicate. Extraverts rule the world when it comes to small talk. Because I’m an introvert, my ability to make small talk consists of 140 characters of carefully spoken words. Entering a room full of strangers, expected to make small talk, should make me anxious and want to run from the room screaming like a lunatic.

Instead: I can make small talk with the best of them, as long as I’m not battling a motor mouth for airtime. I’ve often dominated the conversation in the lunchroom much to the surprise of my colleagues. I must fight the belief.

How I listen. As an introvert, I’m supposed to listen to people…and like it? Accordingly I should actively listen and wait until the person has said his/her 5,000 words. Extraverts, according to common belief, are off the hook when it comes to listening intently–they’re free to talk nonstop because…that’s the way it is.

Instead: I find it hard to listen to people who believe they’re all that. If there were an off button on some of the loquacious Neanderthals I meet, my right index finger would ache.  I am totally cool listening to people who believe in equal rights in conversation. I must politely end a one-sided conversation, as well as be cognizant of my over talking.

How I learn best. Introverts are said to learn best through writing and research, rather than by talking to others. This implies that we’d rather receive e-mails than talk with our colleagues’ in their cubicles.

Instead: It is true that I enjoy writing, but I don’t get my kicks by spending a whole day at my computer researching topics like the Sabin Oxley Act and writing a 30-page whitepaper on it. I like talking with my colleagues as long as it’s productive and doesn’t drain my time, so I must extend my self more often.

How about those meetings. Apparently I can’t participate at meetings because I think too much before talking and, thus, lose my chance to express my brilliant thoughts. The same goes for brainstorming. When others are coming up with hundreds of ideas and throwing spaghetti against the wall, I’m supposed to remain quiet until I have an idea that will stick.

Instead: While it’s true that some extraverts suck the air out of a meeting room, I can throw my weight around as good as the next guy. True, I’m not a fan of brainstorming, but sometimes it works if facilitated by the right person. Instead of over thinking, I must speak up more often and express my great thoughts.

I’ll be the first to admit that knowing the characteristics of an introvert sometimes shapes my actions at work, as well as in my daily life. I wonder how I’d act if I was ignorant of who I am. Would I act more like an extravert? Nah.

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10 ways communicate with your LinkedIn connections

May 16, 2013 9 Comments

business_communicationHaving a strong LinkedIn profile is essential to being found by other LinkedIn members and employers, but you’re job isn’t complete unless you’re communicating with your connections and the LinkedIn community as a whole.

I tell my LinkedIn workshop attendees that I spend approximately an hour a day (it’s probably more) on LinkedIn. Their faces register surprise; and I’m sure some of them are thinking, “Does this person have a life.”

Part of the workshop is about explaining the need to communicate with their connections, because networking is about communicating.

1. The number one way to communicate is posting Updates. How many you post is up to you, but I suggest at least one a day. This is when I get remarks from my attendees about not having time to make an update a week.

To illustrate how easy it is, I post two Updates within five minutes as I’m talking to them. The first Update tells my connections what I’m doing at the moment, which of course is leading the workshop. The next one is usually sharing an article from my first degree connections or LinkedIn Today.

2. Another way to communicate with your connections is to “Like” their updates. Liking their updates is great, but it takes very little effort to simply click the link. Like, Like, Like. Be more creative and add a comment which can generate discussion, or reply to your connections privately.

Communicate-with-your3. I’ll visit my connection’s profiles–with full disclosure–many times a day. My connections will visit my profile many times, as well. When they “drop in” and have disclosed themselves (not Anonymous LinkedIn User or Someone from the Entertainment Industry), I’ll show my appreciation by writing, “Thanks for visiting my profile.” This will also lead to a discussion.

4. You’ve probably read many opinions from people on the topic of Endorsements–here we go again. Add me to the list of people who prefer thoughtful recommendations, both receiving and writing them, as opposed to simply clicking a button. But, in fairness, Endorsements have a purpose greater than showing appreciation for someone’s Skills and Expertise; they act as a way to touch base. In other words, they’re another way to communicate with your connections.

5. Let us not forget our groups which give us another, significant way to communicate with our connections. Participating in discussions regularly is a great way to share ideas with established and potential connections. Yes, I’ve gained connections because of the values we shared as revealed by discussions. Just today I connected with a great resume writer who impressed me with comments she made regarding a question I asked.

6. If your connections blog, take the effort to read their posts and comment on their writing. This is an effective way of creating synergy in the blogging community, but blog posts have made their way into the Updating scene, as well. The majority of my Updates are posts that I’ve read and commented on.

7. I turned 50 yesterday. Not surprisingly I received happy wishes from some of my connections. When your connections have an anniversary (work, that is) or have accepted a new job, you’ll be alerted and be given the opportunity to communicate with them. A small gesture but nice to recognize your connections and generate some discussion.

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Take it a step further. So far I’ve written about how you can communicate with your online connections. You can’t lose sight of the fact that an online relationship will not come to fruition until you’ve reached out and communicated with your connections in a more personal way.

8. A very simple way to extend your communications is by e-mailing them. I know, it doesn’t require a lot of effort, but it’s another step toward developing a more personal relationship. Because you are connected by first degree, you have access to their e-mail address, access which can come in handy at times.

9. Naturally the second act toward strengthening your relationships is to make that daunting call (for some it is a big step), Let your connections know, through e-mail, that you’ll be calling them. Write the reason for the call, such as explaining who you are and what goals you have in your professional life. Nothing is as awkward as dead air and running out of things to say, because the recipient of the call is caught off guard.

10. Finally comes the face-to-face meeting at a place that is convenient for both of you. If your connection lives in a distant location, you may suggest getting together when you’ll be in their city or town. Plan to meet at a coffee shop or a personal networking event if your connection lives close by.

When you meet in person with a connection, he/she becomes a bona fide connection. This is the ultimate way to communicate with a LinkedIn connection. It may not happen often, particularly if he/she lives a great distance from you, but when it does possibilities may present themselves.

Having a great profile is not enough. It’s a start but only the beginning to communicating with your connections. I’ll write LinkedIn profiles for people, and they might have questions about what to do next. Sometimes it’s your activity on LinkedIn that really makes the difference between standing still and realizing success.

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Hope and 3 other attributes necessary for a successful job search

May 13, 2013 Leave a comment

hopeJob-search advice is available to jobseekers from pundits, friends, family, and other well-wishers; but the most important factor to success in the job search is the internal fortitude that keeps jobseekers going. Without this inner strength, advice about résumés, interviews, networking, LinkedIn, etc., doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.

To achieve success, one must understand the importance of never giving up. The opposite of admitting to defeat is hope.

Hope: I’ve often preached the need for hope in the job search. The goals jobseekers set for themselves are only realized when they maintain hope; because without it, the journey to employment is a long and arduous one.

Hope is a combination of a number of attributes jobseekers must demonstrate throughout the job search, namely optimism, persistence, and enthusiasm. In combination, one will prevail in whatever challenges present themselves.

When customers tell me of the multiple interviews they’ve attended and how they’re making it to the last round but lose out to another candidate, I don’t see that as failures. Rather I look upon those setbacks as opportunities that will eventually come to fruition. You’re almost there I will tell them. Don’t give up hope. Now it’s time to practice your interview skills, I add.

optimismOptimism: Those who are optimistic encourage optimism in others around them. It shows on their continence and is noticeable to everyone evolved in their job search. This includes people with whom they network.

One of my favorite customers  was out of work for almost a year, until a week came when she had three job possibilities leading to one offer. She remained optimistic in her job search, sometimes lapsing into self-doubt, but saw the potential of success. How did she know she’d succeed? Because she knew she wouldn’t fail.

Persistence: This personality trait is something great athletes have. Like a baseball player who is in a slump batting .200 in May, a jobseeker goes six months, nine months, or a year without landing a job, but never gives up. He bounces back from rounds of interviews with no job offers, finally landing a job before his unemployment ends. Similarly, the baseball player gets out of his slump to bat .300 in October.

This was the case for one of my customers who was out of work for more than a year. Although he had interviews almost every week, he came up short. His persistence coupled with a positive attitude was apparent in the e-mails he sent to update me on his progress. He is now gainfully employed and offers help to my customers.

enthusiasmEnthusiasm: Jobseekers who are enthusiastic walk into a room and light it up. I can tell a jobseeker will shortly find work by the way she embraces the job search, rather than surrender to defeat. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophesy. I will conquer this challenge, they say, and so they do.

One of my customers who has a physical disability is enthusiastic and confident in her ability to return to management in her prior industry. I recently met with her to critique her résumé. Prior to the critique she had attended an interview. After the critique she was scheduled for a phone interview. The last I heard, she was granted a second interview for both positions.

Having hope is a combination of the aforementioned traits, optimism, persistence, and enthusiasm. Together, these positive traits contribute to psychological capital, which guides us through the challenges in life. Psychological capital isn’t something that can be purchased, but it is something that can be developed through a positive attitude. Many times we’ve been told to be positive. Never has a greater truth been told.

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Are you really listening? 3 ways to improve you listening skills

May 11, 2013 2 Comments

listening tipsDo you ever get the sense that you’re talking with someone and that person isn’t really listening? You’re probably correct about that. According to Daniel Pink, To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others, most people aren’t really listening to you completely; they’er waiting for their turn to talk. He writes:

“Little wonder, then, that so few of us, in fact, do listen well. For many of us, the opposite of talking isn’t listening. It’s waiting. When others speak, we typically divide our attention between what they’re saying now and what we’re going to say next— and end up doing a mediocre job at both.”

Doesn’t that make you feel loved?

What Pink describes is your average listener. Even good listeners will momentarily lose their focus and have to regain it to follow the conversation. This comes down, in part, to how interested and/or focused you are in what your fellow converser is saying. You could be extremely interested, as when your boss is giving you a performance review; or slightly focused, as when someone is telling you how her toddler is assimilating to his daycare.

Regardless, everyone deserves to be listened to.

People who are poor listeners generally don’t care what people have to say, and this can have a negative effect on those who are talking. These are people who are hopeless. We know people like this who’d rather hear themselves talk than perhaps learn something new from others.

An article that appeared on Business Insider, 3 Ways Being A Bad Listener Hurts Your Career, says that bad listening can be bad for business, giving three reasons:

  1. Bad listening is dismissive and ultimately disengaging
  2. Bad listening leads to inferior information and decisions
  3. Bad listening is a waste of time

I’ll be the first to admit that zone out on occasion, and people in my family will attest to my inability to maintain 100% listening capability. In fact, I am not the great listener people, with whom I interact, believe I am. At times, my listening span is about that of a fruit fly’s life expectancy.

Growing concerned about my inability to listen well prompted me to Google “Average Attention Span.” I was relieved to read that the average attention span is eight (8) seconds, according to www.StatisticBrain.com. I think this duration is more like a burp that erupts from nowhere and then it’s back to normal.

A more accurate estimate of one’s ability to concentrate and maintain the proper duration of listening is enforced by the length of TED lectures which last no more than 18 minutes. That’s because people’s sustained attention span is approximately that long. After that, heads begin to nod and bodies begin to shift; maybe they become claustrophobic.

Even when I listened to Susan Cain talk about her stay at summer camp, where she looked forward to reading books, I felt myself drifting from the computer screen to tidy up my desk. This was Susan Cain! my introverted hero. Even she couldn’t hold my attention for 100% of her seminar.

My workshops are scheduled to last two hours. So now I’m thinking if I can’t listen with total concentration, those poor people must be itching to leave the room. I typically ask a lot of questions to keep their attention, which seems to do the trick. But now I’m thinking I need to ask even more questions.

To become a better listener, I’ll now quote the methods suggested by the article:

  1. Admit that you can be a better listener. I think I’ve fully admitted that, though I’m probably taking this listening thing too literally.
  2. Practice focusing on what others say. When colleagues come to my cubical I will now turn my chair and face them directly, rather than continue working on a project. I will even offer them a seat after I’ve cleared the paper from said chair.
  3. Acknowledge and respect what others have to say, rather than dismiss them with a short answer or a command. Yes, my daughter, I will listen attentively to your story about prom preparations.

When you come to terms about how poorly you’re listening to others, communication will be enriched. Pink has a point there; often times we impede progress by not hearing what others say. I want to be a better listener and give those their due respect, and I’d like others to hear what I have to say, as well.

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10 ways introverts like to be alone

May 10, 2013 4 Comments

Since writing this post, I’ve received some other ideas why introverts like to be alone. I will continue to add them in reverse chronological order. Please send me other ideas!

In my Myers-Briggs Type Indicator workshop I’m curious to know what stereotypes my attendees hold for introverts and extraverts. For the introverts some refer to us as loners and even recluses. But for the extraverts their descriptors are words like outgoing and friendly.

Needless to say, introverts get a bum rap from my attendees, while extraverts are the golden child.

I am amused  by how misguided the folks who hold negative stereotypes for introverts are–but hold no hard feelings toward them. I agree we introverts enjoy our solitude, but we are not loners by any means.

That said, I’d like to talk about times when we introverts are  comfortable just hanging with ourselves, despite what other concerned people (most likely extraverts) might think. These times may be everyday occurrences that are perfectly fine for introverts, and actually welcomed by them.

  1. Drinking coffee alone. To me, there’s nothing as soothing as camping out at Starbucks or other coffee shops, where other introverts understand the meaning of solitude. We can sit for hours on end tending to our business, while the extraverts gab away.
  2. Driving alone. This gives us time to think about the day ahead or contemplate what occurred during the course of work. Sometimes it will be awhile until I remember to turn on the radio.
  3. Being alone to fish. We are perfectly fine fishing alone for hours on end. My brother, an introvert, once went out to fish alone and when 4 hours had passed, we got frantic and thought about going out to look for him. He was fine, though starving and out of beer.
  4. Being alone at a party. The moment to sneak away to the terrace, an empty room, or the bar is golden to the introvert. This gives us time to recharge our batteries, whereas the extraverts’ batteries are essentially on a battery charger during the party.
  5. Eating alone. We introverts are fine with dining alone. Extraverts might see this as being anti-social; but my suspicion is that they see dining with others as a time to talk, which seems counterproductive to me, as it gets in the way of my goal of eating.
  6. Watching movies alone. Introverts are also known to enjoy being alone attending the occasional movie or watching a Netflix video, which makes watching a Jason Bourne movie ideal for me, as no one in my family like this series.
  7. Reading a book alone is my idea of relaxation and stimulation. It settles me for the day; and I assume other introverts appreciate the time to escape the constant talk or “noise” coming from the television and radio and teenage voices–all at the same time if you’re in my house.
  8. Walking alone is not so bad, as it gives us time to think about what the day ahead will bring us. Reflecting is one of our greatest pleasures and gifts.
  9. Working alone. We’re at our most creative and productive when we’re left to work alone. Creativity, according to Susan Cain in her TED video, The Power of Introverts, occurs in solitude, not around hoards of people in open work spaces. We don’t need to constantly be around hoards of people to bounce ideas off; we’ll ask for a second opinion.
  10. Time to write in silence. Writing is our preferred mode of communication, so we like to be alone to write our thoughts. I personally like the time between 5:30 am and 7:00 am when the family still sleeps soundly, as it allows me to concentrate on what I’m trying to “say.”

This may lead some of you to think that introverts are shy recluses who want to avoid human contact. Not the case at all. Like extraverts we have gifts of communication, but they’re different and special in their own way. Extraverts should be cognizant of our need for solitude, just as introverts should be aware of extraverts’ need for being with people on a more regular basis.

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3 reasons to use the personal pronoun on your résumé…sparingly

May 5, 2013 2 Comments

IDuring a résumé critique one of my customers presented me with a résumé that was quite good. Could it have been better? Sure, but for starters it had the elements of a solid résumé–a branding headline; a short, yet factual Performance Profile; few duties and numerous quantified accomplishments; was well formatted and easy to read. You get the picture.

There were a few things I suggested he correct, but the one big thing I took issue with was his use of personal pronouns.

It’s not that I’m opposed to the use of personal pronouns. It’s that his résumé was littered with them throughout the whole document, in the Performance Profile and in the Work History. So I was curious as to why he decided to go narrative with it. He simply said it felt right. OK, that’s like asking your kid why he skipped track practice and him telling you…because.

Later in the week this guy’s Career Advisor approached me with a quizzical look on her face asking me why I thought said person’s résumé was acceptable. Is this how résumés are being written, she asked me. My response was that some jobseekers, not many, are using personal pronouns on their résumé. She then wanted to know if I condone it. If I condone it? That’s like asking me if I condone red hair. I continued to say that many professional résumé writers are also employing personal pronouns.Question Mark2

If there is any section on the resume where the personal pronouns  is justified, it’s  in the Performance Profile where it can add value without distracting the reader. Consider the following separate statements that emphasize the two candidates’ values:

Increasing sales—the past five years running—through a customer-centric approach has been the hallmark of my career ~ I lead with a unique style that increases production from colleagues of various talent levels.

And:

I develop and nurture  lasting relationships with partners, customers, and the media; resulting in an increase of exposure for the organization  and 75% new business ~ Often referred to as a prolific writer who enhances the value of an organization’s print and on-line literature.

Here are three reasons why personal pronouns work in each of these statements:

  1. Show ownership. Each statement can be written without the pronoun, “I,” but they lose their emphasis and originality. It’s fine to use a personal pronoun in one sentence and eliminate it in the following, though.
  2. Personality. True, the candidate could eliminate the personal pronouns, but then the accomplishments seem more impersonal.
  3. Flow. The first statement can be rephrased and carry the same message of “customer-centric approach” if the candidate wants her writing to flow.

My colleague made a good point, however, when I insisted that a jobseeker’s résumé is his/her document, within reason, of course. She asked me how recruiters and hiring managers feel about personal pronouns on résumés.

Arguably some recruiters or employers may question jobseekers for taking liberties and breaking the traditional mold—that which says, no personal pronouns—but would they automatically discount a jobseeker for going against tradition? Only if they are out of their mind. Nonetheless, I decided to query professionals on LinkedIn to get their opinions.

One former recruiter wrote: “Candidates certainly benefit from a professionally written resume, but in my experience as a recruiter, we hire plenty of candidates… with ‘I’ in their resume.”

Another respondent was very adamant about the use of personal pronouns: “Personal pronouns should NEVER be used on a résumé.”

A professional resume writer and former hiring manager, with whom I’ve worked, responded to my query by saying he uses personal pronouns “sparingly,” adding, “Who can realistically find fault with a little sprinkle of personal pronouns in an impressive career document from an impressive candidate?”

Yet another respondent supports the use of the personal pronoun: “As a recruiter, I really enjoy reading a resume that tells who the person is, where they came from and where they want to go.”

Truth be told that most people who answered my question are against using personal pronouns; not the reaction I expected. I never thought a simple question like this would generate a discussion that has resulted in 32 comments…and counting. I personally think personal pronouns are acceptable in the Performance Profile section but using them in the other sections…goes a bit too far.

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